"Get Big"
I was mid-sentence when the email came in.
When I was a freshman in high school, my biggest goal was to make the girls’ varsity basketball team. I made the JV team, and as pathetic as it sounds almost twenty years later, that felt like a huge step in making a name for myself in the AC girls’ basketball world.
I was decent, but I wanted to be great. I practiced so much, and I played year round. I continued with my AAU league in the spring and summer. I joined the AC girls for a summer league. Then there was our summer tradition of attending Bentley’s basketball camp. I played in the fall co-ed league with girls and guys who were really good. Nothing will humble you like trying to cover a teenage boy who’s 6’2” when you’re 5’8”. But also nothing will make you better.
I idolized the basketball girls. Sort of like how I currently look up to all my favorite published authors. I wanted to play like them. I wanted to be a starter one day, too. I wanted to be one of the basketball girls that people knew. I wanted to be good.
The basketball girls were so cool. They were badass. They were bitches — the good kind. If I could make the team, I’d be one of them.
When I was a sophomore, the two seniors were our captains. One was the reigning point guard. She was so fucking good at basketball, it wasn’t fair. The other was tall and unstoppable. They were both strong and could handle the ball like pros. I was in awe of them.
I was skinny and not tall enough to be in the paint. Also not good enough with the ball to be a guard. I had a decent shot, but I wasn’t consistent enough to be a shooting guard. I was a “3” — a small forward often on the wing and running the baseline. I so badly wanted to be taller and bigger. I was dying to pack on muscle so I could make magic in the paint and nobody could get in my way.
“Get Big”
The captains had a saying that I latched onto in the pre-season. Before every scrimmage, they said, “Get Big.”
I’m aging myself, but at this point in time, Taylor Swift was in her Fearless era. She wrote her good luck reminder on her hand. A big “13” on her hand at every show.
Guess who did the same thing?
Every day before try-outs, I wrote “Get Big” on the top of my hand, so that I would remember. No matter how hard it was. No matter if I got beat. No matter if I got yelled at or insulted. No matter if I had a single insecure thought. No matter what, I would get big.
And you know what? It fucking worked. I made the varsity team and was usually one of the first ones off the bench. I learned to love being a 3. Someone told me it was the “swiss army knife” of the team, and I loved that.
And guess what? I did get stronger. Our school had just finished building a brand new weight room, and our coaches had us in there twice a week lifting. I couldn’t make myself taller, but the coaches listed my height as 5’10”, so in a way, I did get taller, too.
Why am I telling you this?
I was listening to Haley Hoffman Smith’s podcast today. She was discussing having the audacity and offhandedly mentioned the theme of big.
Living a big life. Doing things big. Knowing you’re meant for ‘big things.’
And it unlocked my memory of baby Bri who wrote Get Big on her hand.
Having the audacity
The point Haley was making is that people who know they’re destined for big lives show up big every day, regardless of if there’s proof yet. They have the audacity.
For example, she created her podcast in 2019 despite having barely any listeners. Your favorite artists show up to bars and play for ten people because they know that audience will come.
I post on Substack each week grateful that 212 of you subscribe to receive my words in your inbox. But in my mind, there are 10,000+ people subscribed. I make embarrassing videos on Instagram that nobody ever sees. Often, I have the thought: “My God, is there anyone out there who likes this book premise or me?” But I keep posting every day because I know that some day, the audience and my sweet readers will be there.
And I do have to shout out the people who are here already. You’re the best. I got the sweetest message from a girl on Instagram about how much she’s rooting for me and how she can’t wait to read my book — and she loves my tree planting campaign idea. That message was the fuel I needed to keep going.
The proof isn’t here yet, but I know it’s inevitable.
The same applies for my book. I haven’t gotten a full request (yet) this go-around with Melodies of the Moon.
I was writing this newsletter — I LITERALLY HAD JUST WRITTEN THE ABOVE SENTENCE — when an email popped up on my screen FROM A LITERARY AGENT REQUESTING MY FULL MANUSCRIPT.
LET’S GET BIG, BESTIES!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!! 😭
Whatever it is you’re dreaming of, if the proof isn’t here yet, KEEP GOING. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE KEEP GOING.
Let this be the sign you were asking for! KEEP GOING.
Other Book Stuff
I’ve been on a roll writing my horror fantasy WIP first draft! I’ve been writing for eight days and I have 28,000 words written! Act I is DONE! I am having so much fun with this. The story is pouring out of me, and I’m afraid to slow down, because it feels like magic. Like the Universe is giving me this gift.
I started writing this book in January 2025 and I rewrote the first chapter so many times and kept quitting.
So what changed? Why now?
Well, first, in these last few months I’ve applied to 100+ remote jobs, and nobody is calling me. At first, I crashed out, thinking something was wrong with me. And then I thought, what is the Universe doing for me? What if, instead of feeling miserable and like a failure, I have some fun and work on another book? That is what I want to do with my life, isn’t it?
I didn’t want this time to be like the pandemic, where I looked back and thought, Damn, I should’ve re-learned Italian or written a book. I wanted to make the most of this period of deep uncertainty.
Besides, nothing else felt like a “fuck yes.”
Last weekend I sat down and plotted out my book. I had the revelation that I think I’m actually a plotter. I didn’t plot with Melodies — I pantsed my way through it. Having a loose blueprint has been so helpful for me. It’s like enjoying the drive and singing along to your music with the windows down, but you have the GPS on the screen to direct you if you veer off course.
I’ve found so much joy in writing this story. And each day I get lighter and lighter, because it’s evidence for the critic in my mind who worried I was a one trick pony. A one hit wonder. But alas, I am proving her wrong! This book is dark and sexy and I can’t wait for you to read it. It’s a modern retelling of Phantom of the Opera if you throw in soul eaters and vampires and set it in Nashville’s country music scene.
Once I finish the first draft, I’ll give you my official pitch/hook. 😉
Cosmic Realizations
On the Winter Solstice, my sister and I wrote down 13 intentions for the year on little sheets of paper. We folded them up and placed them in jars. Each night, we’d pull one out and burn it without looking at what it said. On the final day, we opened the remaining intention. That was the one we were responsible for making happen. The Universe would take care of the other twelve.
Well besties, the intention I was/am responsible for is:
The other twelve, that the Universe is handling for me:
Hot, toned body — I treat my body with devotion and move in ways that make me feel strong, toned and magnetic.
Soul-shaking love — I am open to a deep, emotionally intelligent love that mirrors the partnership I am becoming ready for.
Dream Rome apartment — I am guided to a beautiful, comfortable home in Rome that supports my creativity, peace and daily life.
Abundance (money & support) — I am supported financially and open to income, opportunities and generosity flowing to me with ease.
Friends & dinner parties — I naturally build a rich, joyful social life and host warm, beautiful gatherings with people who feel like home.
Feeling beautiful — I see myself through loving eyes and feel beautiful, desirable and at ease in my own skin.
Writing every day — I show up for my writing consistently and trust that small, daily effort compounds into something powerful.
Embodied confidence — I embody quiet, grounded confidence in how I speak, move and make decisions.
Skincare & self-care — I care for my skin and body with patience, consistency, honoring myself in the small rituals.
Generosity & giving back — I give back generously and sustainably to the communities and causes that matter deeply to me.
Another first draft — I complete a full first draft of a new novel with curiosity, discipline and self-trust.
Pride & self-forgiveness — I release shame and recognize myself for my courage, effort and persistence — I am proud of who I’m becoming!
I revisited these after I knocked out a quarter of a new novel, and I realized the Universe is taking care of my list. Not just #8 and #12, but all of them. And I’m so grateful.
If you did any sort of winter solstice or new year intention setting, please let me know how it’s going! And I’d love to hear what your version of get big looks like! ❤️
Until next time,
with love and magic,
Bri — your author bestie
i like your book premise and i like YOU! your new book sounds AMAZING. i have never read Phantom of the Opera, but i really want to !
saving to read more later but i so wish we could get a coffee in italy together one day and talk about taylor swift, lana, and apparently Haley Hoffman Smith! She has a good episode on Taylor i listened to a few years ago if you haven’t already!